Editor’s Note: This week, The Mast is transitioning page 12 to a satire page titled Den Lok, which is Norwegian for The Onion (…get it?). Every week we will try to make you laugh, because reading is fun!
A party thrown at Mini Golf House was not busted on Saturday night, according to patrons of the get together.
“I was pretty bummed that I didn’t get a flashlight shined into my face after a few hours of drinking,” sophomore Kyle Dison said. “Usually, I like to sober up a little bit before walking back to The Snack Senter on campus, but without a cop to wake me up a bit first, I just wasn’t in the mood for a trip to The Commons,” Dison added.
He stated that he was shocked to find Denny’s to be “lit” at four a.m.; usually he and his friends frequent the diner on the cusp of midnight. According to Dison, this is when the joint is really happening with inebriated peers from his college, University of Lutheran Studies: Northwestern Corner.
The party at the Intramural House was said to begin around eight and last well past last call. “I stayed until three a.m., but after eleven p.m., everyone was sort of at a loss for what to do next. The mingling was over, and before I knew it, the house’s decibel level rapidly decreased,” Dison said.
“We sort of just sat around drinking IPAs out of a relatively full keg until we were done socializing with our fellow Martins,” fellow sophomore Jenna Bells agreed.
“It is the first time I feel like my five bucks went to good use,” she went on to explain, “but I would rather have gotten shwasted within the course of an hour and found a person to ‘Netflix and Chill’ with before campus security was on its way.”